Friday, September 05, 2008

10 Thoughts on the Conventions (snark warning)

1. They put McCain up in front of a green screen AGAIN!?!? Oh, it turns out to be grass. That makes it all better. Not. Eejits. Oh, it turns out to be a picture of Walter Reed Middle School in North Hollywood, CA. That makes sense. Oh, no it doesn't. Some dweeb did a google for photos of Walter Reed and got the wrong one!?!? We have to "catch up to history" all right! HAHAHAHA!

2. Hey, John, be careful about mentioning "history" so much. We know you were there for most of it.

3. Nice litany of failures, there, John. Yup, yup, those are yours.

4. Sarah Palin wasn't shrill, she was mean. Heathers, baby. She might have the balls to knock him off to get to the top, you never know. Watch your back, Jack.

5. A big reason Palin seems like a big deal is it's like she's a contestant on "Survivor." Watch this season as your next door neighbor, the PTA President you love to hate, plays the game so well she goes on to the FINAL TWO! Only it's also like "American Idol" with the voting and all. Let's not vote for the worst one just for fun, K?

6. Democrats are smart enough to write their own speeches.

7. If your pet issue is drill, drill, drill, you're down with the R's. If your pet issue is any one of healthcare, the economy, education, ending the war, poverty, choice, global climate change, accountability, national security, nuclear proliferation, equal pay, equal rights for LGBT folks, separation of church and state, protecting Social Security, you're a DEMOCRAT this cycle. Seriously. Get out there and vote!

8. Cindy McCain is feeling the Heathers, too, I think. That whole tribute film was disgusting. "I'm so wonderful, I should be the running mate!" Sick, sick stuff. And after all, she's probably as qualified as Carly Fiorina or Meg Whitman. She has run a giant corporation. And they're all more qualified than Palin. Shit, my mom says I'm more qualified than Sarah Palin.

9. It's a history making election regardless of who wins, so please, please don't vote with your gonads. She's Tracy Flick without the nice. She's the hockey mom making sure your kid doesn't play in the game because you didn't bake your own cookies for snack.

10. POW doesn't have as much POW! as it used to. Why is that? Oh, because it was used to defend them against: too rich, too many houses, too many kitchen tables, too many servants, too expensive shoes, too long in Washington, too close to Bush, bad grades in school, expletives, and being too scared to have keys rattled in your presence. POW yourself. What have you done for me lately?


Come back later for news from the Fair!

Peace. And please, oh, please...


Anonymous Anonymous said...

The anonymous auntie says... hee hee hee hee.

For the first time ever I have really been watching and listening to the speeches and I am struck by the differences between Democrat (facts, biographical info, a little hype) and Republican (mean spirited attacks, self agrandization, ancient history and an alarming dearth of facts and plans). It's unbelievable.

You couldn't write this stuff...


11:20 AM  
Blogger Mom said...

Couldn't have said it better! Mom

12:17 PM  
OpenID eightfoldrabbit said...

I'm surprised at how much I froth at the mouth when Sarah Palin comes up. She really makes me mad. Watching Obama and his camp deal with everything just makes me respect him more and more.

8:21 AM  
Blogger loribird said...

yes. yes, indeed. I'm flabbergasted by this whole thing - what would the founding fathers say?

p.s. As a "card holding Alaskan citizen," I have to say: I didn't vote for Palin then, I won't now. That is all.

5:44 PM  
Blogger Cindy/Snid said...

Snark away!

We weren't able to catch any of the RNC (here in India) but I probably wouldn't have had the stomach for it anyway.

A truly weird ticket if you ask me.

9:11 PM  
Anonymous Kiddie-Gloves said...

Of all the "perls" I find #6 to be the most amusing. How many times has Obama stopped to wait for his teleprompter now? How do we know that any politician actually writes their own stuff these days?

I find it more amusing that all this nation has come to is spectators at a football game, cheering their home candidate. Speeches pander to fear and not intellect.

Sad way to go this is.

8:41 PM  

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