Friday, September 10, 2010

A Parenting Question

So today I went in to the Middle School to help with teaching choir parts. DD seemed okay with it (and I was really trying not to be embarrassing or anything) until the Altos came back in with the teacher, at which point I was finished. Then she just shut down and got angry. Don't know if it was at me as I couldn't get her to say anything to me, or if someone was nasty to her or something. Now I have to wait the whole day to find out what happened and maybe I did something wrong (in the mind of the tween).

I feel like it's important to be present at school, to show her that I'm involved and I care about what's going on, to be helpful in ways that might lead her to better parts when she's older, too.

But if she really doesn't want me there because it causes social weirdness, what's the best call? I feel like being present is important, kind of whether she likes it or not, but I don't want to make middle school more difficult for her, it's hard enough. Are my memories of horrible middle school showing?

Any advice appreciated!



Blogger Cindy said...

Start the dialogue. That's all any of us can ever do. And, good luck.

12:48 PM  
Blogger jessie said...

This is a tough call. On the one hand, my daughter (a mere 11) is mortified by my presence anywhere and is clearly more comfortable when I'm not there.

On the other hand, my older stepson used to complain bitterly when we forced him to do family things, like going out to cut down a Christmas tree. Torture for him to be with us. And yet I'd hear him complain to other people that at his mom's house, his stepfather just brought home a pre-cut tree, proof of how little his mom and her husband cared about the kids, or so he believed.

In the thick of it, with a girl no less, I'd say ask for her opinion. Maybe she'll give it to you. (Maybe.) Repeat a hundred times: It's just a phase. It's just a phase. :-)

6:42 PM  
Blogger sopranospinner said...

Well, I did ask her and she was annoyed a bit by my "wiggling" as I was trying to teach them a syncopated line. So I promised to be more aware of that.

But what really upset her was two girls in the row ahead who were looking around and giggling but she was mad at them, not me. And their karma came back and bit them pretty quickly. Today seems to have been fine. The girls are both in the play with her, but in the chorus and she has a speaking role, though small and feels a bit superior. Since she would never behave so, I think it's fine if she feels it in this instance.

I've given her the talk about being nice to people with smaller parts.

Thanks for the help!

8:29 PM  

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